I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
