I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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