woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
