I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
