and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
