I'm going to jail i love you
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i love accidental penises.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
