someone get that fucking seahorse.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
