You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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