Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
