So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
