He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
