Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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