I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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