:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
