i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
