Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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