Having a random hookup so left but love u
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
