i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
