Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
