Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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