Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
