If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
someone owes me an orgasm
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
