"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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