We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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