im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
