I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
