I faked an abortion last night.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
