I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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