IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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