I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
