so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I am puke
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
