just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
