Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
