I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
