I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
