I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have already put on my inside pants.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
