Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
