i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
