I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my being single is dangerous.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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