Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i dont even know how to be here
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
