You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
