I just cut my nipple shaving
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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