i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
