allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
