Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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