oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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