All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
