those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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