I think I won the penis lottery.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
