Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
