I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
